Tea
by HarryThePhantomOfMiserables
Summary: Remus Lupin's struggle with the prospect of becoming a father. *I couldn't think of a better name* J.K Rowling owns the World of Harry Potter


Chapter 1

Remus felt so guilty. He just couldn't believe it. He knew he should be excited, after all he had always believed he would never get to be a father since the day he was bitten. But he didn't know what might happen, and that really worried him.

He had woken early and dressed silently, creeping past his sleeping wife and down the stairs. He now sat on with his head in his hands, leaning on the scratched wooden table. He ran his fingers through his greying hair and got up, tacking a chipped china mug from the cupboard. He sighed sadly as he tried to look for a better one, but they all seemed to be in a worse state. "How is it that I own nothing descent!" Muttered Remus angrily. _Dora deserves better than this cup_ he thought hopelessly. _She deserves better than me too.  
_  
He began to make tea for her in her favourite way. Adding a variety of extra flavours (he had learnt how from Molly Weasley) including a hint of strawberry bubblegum. To finish off he taped the tea with his wand to make its surface sparkle with pink stars, and added a charm to the battered cup to make it keep the tea hot. He smiled in spite of himself. If there was one thing he could do, it was make a decent cup of tea. With that he sent the cup whizzing upstairs, and listened carefully for the soft clink as it landed on Dora's bedside table. Scribbling a note on some parchment briefly explaining he had to go out, he pulled on his jacket and left the house.

Thoughts battled in his head as he walked. It was only late summer but for a while now the sky had remained cloudy grey and menacing. The sun attempted feebly to penetrate the darkness, providing a weak stab of light through the clouds every now and again. But it was cold. Unnaturally cold. Remus presumed this was the Dementors, which he knew must be hidden behind the cloud, constantly circling the sky, like vultures ready to dive on their pray. They also created the lingering mist that had stayed for weeks now. He remembered how he had taught Harry how to repel Dementors. He felt so proud when Harry told him he had made a corporeal Patronus. He regarded the year he taught at Hogwarts one of the best of his life. How he got to spend so much time with Harry. He often felt very jealous of Sirius. Once Harry had met him and discovered he was his Godfather, Remus never felt quite in the same league. Sirius would be the first he would go to for help. Never did _he_ receive letters asking for advice. He lost the feeling he had become a father figure to Harry, even after Sirius had died. _But would I have made a good father figure anyway? _He remembered how Dumbledore hadn't wanted him raising Harry after he lost his parents. Dumbledore didn't think he would make a good father, and honestly, Remus didn't think he would either.

He remembered the excitement in her voice when she told him. How the tears welled in her eyes and fell warm on his pyjamas. She noticed his sudden rigidness and the tension deepen the lines on his face. He stared into her eyes, his eyes shining with tears too, but not of happiness. He realised how his look of fear had instantly been portrayed on her face too. Of course, she didn't know. She thought it would be like any other couple having a baby. But now she looked scared in a way he had never seen her be before. "What is it?" she asked him frantically. "Remus! Why are you- What's-"  
"I don't know..." He said weakly, looking down so she would not see him forcefully wipe the tears that were now falling down his face. "I just don't know."  
"What do you mean!" She whispered, and she let her tears roll gently down her cheeks.  
"I mean I'm sure... But it wouldn't..." Stammered Remus. "I don't know…" He repeated. "I just don't know…"

"Please!" She said, looking desperately at him now. "Please! Remus tell me what's wrong!"

He found it very hard to look into her eyes. She normally had beautiful, big dark eyes, but as she looked at him now they were bright green and almond shaped. A perfect shade of green. A beautiful green that reminded him of-  
"I can't lose you!" He whispered, shaking his head. "I won't lose you!" He said, looking up at her. He felt stupid for saying that. She looked at him in shock. She broke into tears and fell onto his lap. She sobbed herself to sleep eventually. He did too, though his tears were silent.  
_  
What would happen to the child? Could it be a Werewolf too? If it was, could a baby even survive? Would Dora?_ He didn't know. Remus had practically grown up with his condition, and he wouldn't wish it on anybody. As a child it was hardest to deal with, and painful also. He would have to lock himself away from his family. Away from anyone so he couldn't hurt them. The thought that he may have inflicted this on his own child could have killed him. What he did know was that he been so stupid the night before. He shouldn't have made Dora all worried. _If I'd of only been excited with her... Acted like any other husband receiving this news..._ But he couldn't have. _After all_, he thought, _if this… This..._ But he didn't know what the child might be; _it will be all my fault if Dora gets hurt_. _But then again, what if nothing bad happens? The child may end up being just like any other_. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do.

He heard a soft laughter behind him and turned round just as a young couple strolled forward, pushing a pram. They walked past barely noticing him. As they did, Remus looked down and saw a young baby, only a few weeks old, sleeping peacefully, nestled in layers of blankets and wearing a white fluffy cardigan. Remus instantly pictured himself and Tonks, browsing in a small shop at the newborn-baby clothes. He imagined Tonks picking up colourful mittens and hats, and then himself pointing out a little set of pyjamas decorated with stars that glowed soft pastel colours.  
He steadily got up from the park bench and made his way back home.


End file.
